It’s Ass-Hat Day All Over the World!

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief
**PolitiPorn welcomes Duke back after a long hiatus.

International Update

Hey kids, did I miss anything?

China

After the earthquake a couple weeks ago China finds itself more than 60,000 people short and climbing, I’d like to take a moment to send a shout out to my main man eighty year old, partially paralyzed, Xiao Zhihu who was pulled from under a collapsed pillar after 11 days of waiting for rescuers. Disgusting to note was the fact that schools seemed to be a schosh less stable than the rest of the lean-to structures that comprise the Chinese skyline. An estimated 7,000 schools were destroyed in the earthquake; many happened to be surrounded by older buildings that suffered only slight damage.

The government of China has sought to assure citizens that they were back to work as they condemned a 30 minute meeting betwixt (that’s how they say is in England!) his Holiness the Dalai Lama and Big Bad Gordon Brown at the private residence of the Arch Bishop of Canterbury.

Foreign Ministry Spokesman Qin Gang (Formerly of the Dogg Pound) choked back tears as he lamented…

            “This is interference in China’s internal affairs and also seriously hurts the feelings of the Chinese people”

One would think that after a government policy of arbitrary cattle prod rape of monks and nuns the average Chinese who have a little bit tougher skin.

 

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Who’s in Charge Around Here?

 

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l. Bureau Chief

Iraq

Things in Iraq are about to go into the Moqtada al-Shitter. As of this writing a battle in the Iraqi city of Basra between the Mehdi Army and Iraqi security forces have killed at least 50 and wounded 150. Surely this couldn’t be the same Basra the UK got bored with. Interestingly enough it was the Iraqi Security Forces that threw the first punch by launching “Operation Charge of the Knights,” aimed at restoring law and order in the volatile economic hub. I don’t know about you kids, but Law and Order: Charge of the Knights would be worth an hour of my time.

This dust up has major implications for the overall stability of Iraq. We could start with the heavy shelling of the green zone that has ensued. After four years the insurgents still haven’t exactly mastered the concept of trajectory, but yesterday a mortar unfortunately made it 4,001.

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Wasting Away in Islamaville

By Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau 

In Iraq last week Shi’a Cleric Moqtada al-Sadr decided to double down on a six month ceasefire agreement between his militia and just about everyone else in Iraq. The decision by the Teddy-Bear of Terror to keep his boys on the sideline for another six months was fairly predictable despite plenty of bitching about mistreatment, but the real comedy lay in the pageantry surrounding his announcement.  This prick had the poor taste to deliver his proclamation, during Oscar® week mind you, via sealed envelope to clerics throughout Iraq to be read the next day during morning prayers.

In a tragic side-note one of the ‘presenters’ suffered an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction during the ceremony and hastily checked himself into Promises Rehab Clinic for a quick detox.

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