Love South African Style

by Lodro, International Editor for PolitiPorn

Congratulations South Africa, you have finally created a news story that doesn’t mention the fact that you lead the world in rapes per capita (second place in murders) or had a health minister that recommended a diet of garlic and beetroot to cure AIDS, by denying the Dalai Lama a visa to attend an international peace conference (well what was going to be an international peace conference, they decided not to have it without the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu who announced that he would boycott.)

I guess the AIDS thing isn’t that important because damn near 80% of the adult population and a whopping 69% of pregnant women don’t have AIDS.

I can’t imagine what would prompt South Africa to deny the Dalai Lama a visa. The official reason was that it would shift the focus away from the 2010 World Cup being held there and “that it wasn’t in South Africa’s best interest.” It couldn’t have anything to do with China being their biggest trade partner… wait maybe it’s because the Dalai Lama hasn’t ever raped anyone.

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It’s Ass-Hat Day All Over the World!

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief
**PolitiPorn welcomes Duke back after a long hiatus.

International Update

Hey kids, did I miss anything?

China

After the earthquake a couple weeks ago China finds itself more than 60,000 people short and climbing, I’d like to take a moment to send a shout out to my main man eighty year old, partially paralyzed, Xiao Zhihu who was pulled from under a collapsed pillar after 11 days of waiting for rescuers. Disgusting to note was the fact that schools seemed to be a schosh less stable than the rest of the lean-to structures that comprise the Chinese skyline. An estimated 7,000 schools were destroyed in the earthquake; many happened to be surrounded by older buildings that suffered only slight damage.

The government of China has sought to assure citizens that they were back to work as they condemned a 30 minute meeting betwixt (that’s how they say is in England!) his Holiness the Dalai Lama and Big Bad Gordon Brown at the private residence of the Arch Bishop of Canterbury.

Foreign Ministry Spokesman Qin Gang (Formerly of the Dogg Pound) choked back tears as he lamented…

            “This is interference in China’s internal affairs and also seriously hurts the feelings of the Chinese people”

One would think that after a government policy of arbitrary cattle prod rape of monks and nuns the average Chinese who have a little bit tougher skin.

 

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Zimbabwe or the Highway

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief

International Report

Africa

The An Yue Jiang, a Chinese cargo ship carrying 3 million rounds of ammunition, grenades and mortar rounds destined for Zimbabwe was finally allowed to dock in Angola after being refused by damn near every other African nation with a surfable beach. Angola has promised only to allow “merchandise destined for Angola” to be unloaded.

Zimbabwe, as you may recall, had themselves a presidential election last month in which former current President Mugabe lost decided that a recount was necessary. Results of the recount haven’t been published due to the lack of 3 million rounds of ammunition.

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