Obama the Great (And The End of a Man-Crush)

By Lodro Special Correspondent to PolitiPorn.

Bush is gone and now I can finally say that I am once again an Independent. Obama has made history in becoming the first US president to follow the dumbest man in the world, and I hear he’s black. I hope he does a great job for our country. I hope he gives back many of my rights as an American, restores our international credibility and leads us through a terrible economic time while laying the foundations for a more prosperous America. His campaign brought people together around the world and made them optimistic about America, he brought the next generation into the political arena and got 9.5 million more votes than McCain, the highest raw popular vote margin ever.

As strange as it may seem, Joe “Crazy Tits” Biden couldn’t be a better man for the job as Vice President. I didn’t want to bring this up at the time, but the red-staters could have done a little more with his middle name, Robinette, instead of going after the obvious.

Obama can represent the government to the American people and the World with a sincere eloquence that few in history have been able to replicate, recognized some decent talent for important advisory positions, and make decisions based on reality, cooperation and good council. At the same time, Joe Biden is as smart as we’ve got in geopolitics, he sat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee for a long time and left as the Chairman, he has played the game in the Senate longer than anyone and is known to be ‘bi-partisany.’ He’s also a scrapper, last month he walked out on Karzai during a meeting when the latter tried to feed him the same bullshit that has worked for the past couple of years.

Christ only knows what McCain and Palin would have done with the office, besides suspending the role of the executive branch due to the economic crisis.

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Boss Hog Limbaugh & The Cynics Revolt

Well the PolitiPornster is back.  I took some time off after a hectic election year and quite frankly, I haven’t been in much of mood to write.  Wow, has everything gone in the shitter!  Everyday some store we’ve grown accustomed to closes.  I’m starting to receive a steady stream of emails at work from former colleagues asking if my office is hiring.  Truth be told, I’m desperate trying to keep myself busy at work what with the assignments slowing down to a freakin’ trickle.

Of all the crap going on in the economy, we’ve got one malcontent, who has taken it upon himself to wish, hope and pray that the President Obama fails in his attempts to right this ship.  You know of whom I write.  That’s right Flush Windbag.

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The Lights Are On, But Nobody is Home

Let’s face it folks, there is some scary crap going on right now.  All of this crap is compounded by the fact that our country is doesn’t have a driver at the wheel.

India just suffered one of the worst terrorist attacks since 9/11.  Our economy is on a fast track to the dumpster and to top it all off, the high seas are now being plagued by PIRATES!  WTF!  Meanwhile, we’ve got a “President” is busily packing up his cowboy boots for their return trip to Texas.  Has the word “malfeasance” come to mind yet?

George W. Bush takes the cake.  It’s all but a forgone conclusion that he’ll go down as the absolute worst President.  With that in mind, this simple minded idiot can’t even pull it together for roughly 3 months.  Instead, he’s just sitting on his hands counting the days ’til January 20, 2009. 

In the military, we had a name for guys like George.  We called them “short-timers.”  These were the guys that were coming up on the end of their enlistments.  As you’d imagine, the closer their separation date came the more their minds would drift off to getting the fuck out of Dodge.  These guys were dangerous, both in a literal and figurative sense. 

Literally speaking these short-timers were dangerous in that their attention to their jobs suffered to a degree.  This small bit of inattentiveness could lead to accidents.  If you were like me and worked with munitions, you didn’t want an inattentive co-worker.  As our instructors in munitions training would tell us, “The last word you’ll ever hear will be ‘Oops!'”  For this reason, the military would re-assign short-timers in my section.  They’d be turned into desk jockeys for that last 2-3 months of their enlistment.  To me this made perfect sense.

If only there was a place we could put George Bush where he couldn’t do any damage.  Unfortunately, our Constitution doesn’t allow for such a place or process.  Instead, we are stuck with this inattentive idiot until our new President takes office in January.  God help us.

The short-timer was also bad for morale.  Of course, we were all happy to see a dude get to the end of his enlistment.  We were equally happy to listen to the short-timer spout off about how he was going to grow his hair down to his ass, smoke a Cheech & Chong size joint, and of course, go to college.  Nonetheless, we’d all harbor a bit of resentment and our own discharge would seem even further away given the immediacy of the short-timer’s departure. 

We’ve seen that all Georgie Boy can talk about lately is how he can’t wait to step out of the limelight.  If the limelight was so freaking tough, why the hell did he run in 2004?  He could’ve taken a page from LBJ.  No, W knows just how he’ll be judged by history and his ultimate hope is that somehow, we’ll be able to forget his sorry ass.  No doubt, he’s already forgotten us.

I can just imagine, W boarding Air Force One for that final ride home.  He & Laura will turn to the cameras prior to entering the plane.  Under his breath, he’ll exclaim through his smile, “happy trails Bitches!”

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