It’s Ass-Hat Day All Over the World!

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief
**PolitiPorn welcomes Duke back after a long hiatus.

International Update

Hey kids, did I miss anything?

China

After the earthquake a couple weeks ago China finds itself more than 60,000 people short and climbing, I’d like to take a moment to send a shout out to my main man eighty year old, partially paralyzed, Xiao Zhihu who was pulled from under a collapsed pillar after 11 days of waiting for rescuers. Disgusting to note was the fact that schools seemed to be a schosh less stable than the rest of the lean-to structures that comprise the Chinese skyline. An estimated 7,000 schools were destroyed in the earthquake; many happened to be surrounded by older buildings that suffered only slight damage.

The government of China has sought to assure citizens that they were back to work as they condemned a 30 minute meeting betwixt (that’s how they say is in England!) his Holiness the Dalai Lama and Big Bad Gordon Brown at the private residence of the Arch Bishop of Canterbury.

Foreign Ministry Spokesman Qin Gang (Formerly of the Dogg Pound) choked back tears as he lamented…

            “This is interference in China’s internal affairs and also seriously hurts the feelings of the Chinese people”

One would think that after a government policy of arbitrary cattle prod rape of monks and nuns the average Chinese who have a little bit tougher skin.

 

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The Truth Personally and Militarily Speaking

 

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief

I recently got a comment that suggested I go and write for a tabloid. I am seriously, no bullshit, in love with the fact that he thought I could write for the Star. It’s a gossip rag, but professionally written. I know that kind of misses the point of the comment, but I was seriously floored by compliment.

The comment also suggested that I had no military service. That suggestion was both accurate and important. I was rejected twice by the Army due to a psychological evaluation. My recruiter was literally enraged because I scored well enough for code-breaking on the ASFAB (once I told him I would have gone infantry anyway he calmed down.)

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General Patronize Us Speaks…and other junk

 

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief

Iraq

After this week’s testimony by Gen. Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker the folks at www.moveon.org are scrambling to come up with another hack bullshit nickname, but Gen. Petrue-dat seemed to have held his own while stretching the truth and omitting some harsh realities. Two points to be filed under fun fact were:

• (1) According to Gen. Persuadeus rational people could not be against the war.
• (2) While our economy is crumbling, the government of Iraq has a substantial surplus.

Senator McCain had a senior moment and actually predicted that that if we leave, Iraq would simultaneously become a haven for Al-Qaeda and a slave to Iran. (Read a book butt-munch, no Shi’a country will ever become a safe haven for Al-Qaeda.) I used to like this guy, but it is irresponsible to run for president without a basic understanding of Islamic terrorism ideology. He also repeated the popular warhawk cadence that we must choose withdrawal based on the “situation on the ground” rather than an artificial timetable. Guess what moron, the push for withdrawal is based on the situation on the ground. He still thinks that opposition to the war is just a flower-power fueled middle finger to Pres. Bush.  It must not occur to the opposition that we have 4,000+ dead soldiers, taxpayer funding of Sunni militants, treasonous mistreatment of veterans, and emotional torture of military families.

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