It’s Ass-Hat Day All Over the World!

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief
**PolitiPorn welcomes Duke back after a long hiatus.

International Update

Hey kids, did I miss anything?

China

After the earthquake a couple weeks ago China finds itself more than 60,000 people short and climbing, I’d like to take a moment to send a shout out to my main man eighty year old, partially paralyzed, Xiao Zhihu who was pulled from under a collapsed pillar after 11 days of waiting for rescuers. Disgusting to note was the fact that schools seemed to be a schosh less stable than the rest of the lean-to structures that comprise the Chinese skyline. An estimated 7,000 schools were destroyed in the earthquake; many happened to be surrounded by older buildings that suffered only slight damage.

The government of China has sought to assure citizens that they were back to work as they condemned a 30 minute meeting betwixt (that’s how they say is in England!) his Holiness the Dalai Lama and Big Bad Gordon Brown at the private residence of the Arch Bishop of Canterbury.

Foreign Ministry Spokesman Qin Gang (Formerly of the Dogg Pound) choked back tears as he lamented…

            “This is interference in China’s internal affairs and also seriously hurts the feelings of the Chinese people”

One would think that after a government policy of arbitrary cattle prod rape of monks and nuns the average Chinese who have a little bit tougher skin.

 

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Zimbabwe or the Highway

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief

International Report

Africa

The An Yue Jiang, a Chinese cargo ship carrying 3 million rounds of ammunition, grenades and mortar rounds destined for Zimbabwe was finally allowed to dock in Angola after being refused by damn near every other African nation with a surfable beach. Angola has promised only to allow “merchandise destined for Angola” to be unloaded.

Zimbabwe, as you may recall, had themselves a presidential election last month in which former current President Mugabe lost decided that a recount was necessary. Results of the recount haven’t been published due to the lack of 3 million rounds of ammunition.

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General Patronize Us Speaks…and other junk

 

by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief

Iraq

After this week’s testimony by Gen. Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker the folks at www.moveon.org are scrambling to come up with another hack bullshit nickname, but Gen. Petrue-dat seemed to have held his own while stretching the truth and omitting some harsh realities. Two points to be filed under fun fact were:

• (1) According to Gen. Persuadeus rational people could not be against the war.
• (2) While our economy is crumbling, the government of Iraq has a substantial surplus.

Senator McCain had a senior moment and actually predicted that that if we leave, Iraq would simultaneously become a haven for Al-Qaeda and a slave to Iran. (Read a book butt-munch, no Shi’a country will ever become a safe haven for Al-Qaeda.) I used to like this guy, but it is irresponsible to run for president without a basic understanding of Islamic terrorism ideology. He also repeated the popular warhawk cadence that we must choose withdrawal based on the “situation on the ground” rather than an artificial timetable. Guess what moron, the push for withdrawal is based on the situation on the ground. He still thinks that opposition to the war is just a flower-power fueled middle finger to Pres. Bush.  It must not occur to the opposition that we have 4,000+ dead soldiers, taxpayer funding of Sunni militants, treasonous mistreatment of veterans, and emotional torture of military families.

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